Baby Steps | lustthebeast's Blog

I could sit here and analogize Luke's training in the force to fully explain what I'm going through here; and honestly - I just might.

I learned a few things about "me" this past weekend.  Learned a few new aptitudes.  I didn't say "abilities" because I think everyone is "able" to do them, however some just aren't "apt" to do so.  Until very recently, I thought I was one of those apt-less people.  However, what I've discovered is that I completely am; but have only convinced myself through years of denial otherwise.

At first, I was nervous, anxious, nearly panic-stricken; but I followed through with the plan.  Afterwards, it felt surreal, like it didn't really happen.  The way truly amazing vacations from childhood seem hazy years later and you have to question the validity of your memory.  I reviewed, replayed and reflected on it all the rest of the day; usually with a smile of some sort on my face.

The funny thing is... I have to (once again) give more thanks than I can gather to a very special person for putting me on this path.  This isn't the first time she's been so life-inspiring, and I'm not sure she'll ever realize just how very much she has meant to me over the years; and so much more-so now.  "Max" if you ever find this... I love you more and more every day.

It is apparent to me now that this is something I have much interest in pursuing.  Something that allows me to be all the things I've hidden for so long.  I just hope I can find my way all the way through this maze.

Btw, I know this sounds like a "coming out" story, and in a sense I suppose it is; but not in a hetero/homo-sexual kinda way.